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Falling under the Spell
By Patti Pfeiffer
Columnist warning: This column is adult-themed
Okay it's not like I wanted to do it. I had to do it. Being a professional journalist requires sacrifices some times. And this was one just time.
Seldom do I go to the movies. Watching videos at home is more to my liking--dressing in comfy jammies, getting horizontal on the sofa, adjusting volume, rewinding and pausing when a need or desire arises. Distractions are at my choosing and call. There are no strangers, no chair-kicking, talking, texting, chomping, slurping, walking out, moving about and fidgeting around. Besides, I'm frugal. Renting is only a buck.
I'd heard about it, read about it and written about it, yet I wasn't prepared for it. OMG! Magic Mike is magical.
Bare bodies. Gulp! Muscles. Wow! Thongs. Oh dear! Things. Oh my! Heinies. Grr! Wonder buns. Yum!
A previous column detailed descriptions women provided after seeing the movie. "Eye candy" was a standard comment. Well, I'm here to correct these twisted chicks. It was not eye candy. It was eye candy mixed with eye cake, (triple-layer too) eye pastry, eye-cookie and every other sinfully delicious sweet indulgence rolled into one.
It was a unique experience for sure. Though I lived not too far from the male strip club, LaBare in Houston, I declined invitations and resisted temptation. So I was, until this outing, a stripper virgin.
And this kind of magic isn't for wimps. My hands were clapped so tightly my knuckles were glowing white in the dark. I was taking deep breaths. My palms were perspiring. I was fanning myself. Silly me carried a sweater in case I got cold. No chance. However, I did have chills.
I went in sane. Came out stuttering.
Did I mention it's not for wimps? Several scenes made me uncomfortable. Some of it went too far for this prude.
There was too much nudity for me. Yes, I know it's a story about male strippers. Duh! Butt yes. But boobs? Well I wasn't expecting female nudity. I didn't pay to see breasts -- especially of the perfectly round, rather large variety. Nothing to do with envy or jealousy. I got over my nick-name Flatty Patti...at least I thought.
The language was rough. Used as a verb, noun, adjective, pronoun, preposition and adverb, the "F bomb" was dropped like rain during a typhoon. I've walked out of movies for less. But a few minutes of watching the scenery and I zeroed in and tuned out.
Matthew McConaughey was born for such a role. His acting was fantastic. Not a bad bod either. Amazing chest. Great musles. His cheeks adorable and worth waiting for. Yes, viewers are teased but have to wait until nearly the end for a view of his thong-clad end.
My friends found the film entertaining. Afterwards, Claudia shared that she wasn't going to tell her husband what movie she indulged in. "He'll just ask why I went to see such trash."
To which Nancy replied, "Well it was trash but it was nice trash."
My buddy Lisa wasn't up to her normal bubbly self on movie day. She was down and it was apparent. The following day, I received an email reporting her emotional state.
"Lisa woke up this morning and 'the fog' had lifted. She is back to her old happy self ... do you think Mike had something to do with it?"
Well yea! The movie had an impact on me as well. It's prompted change. It caused me to reconsider my life, my future, my dreams. I fell under the spell of Magic Mike.
In its wake, I've made a major decision. I'm giving up all I know. I'm ceasing column writing, quitting my real estate profession. I'm going to become an entrepreneur. For the sake of equality and to benefit women everywhere, I'm once again willing to sacrifice. Duty calls. Details to follow on a high class male strip club opening in the area. Be on the lookout for the grand opening of my club...Cougar Bait.
Patti Pfeiffer is a Star Local News columnist, freelance writer and author. She may be contacted at pattip913@msn.com
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